Oh sweet Jesus, yes.

HERE.

In my arsenal

I've blogged about them before but ohmygod, I love these things:


Dr. Praeger's Tex Mex Veggie Burgers
Ingredients: Carrots, Black Beans, Onions, String Beans, Corn, Zucchini, Soybeans, Oat Bran, Peas, Red Pepper, Spinach, Expeller Pressed Canola Oil, Broccoli, Textured Soy Flour, Oat Fiber, Arrowroot, Jalepeno Peppers, Chili Powder, Garlic, Corn Meal, Corn Starch, Cilantro, Salt, Parsley, Black Pepper, All Natural Vegetable Gum.


I know it's engineered food but since you can actually SEE the whole soy beans and peas and broccoli in the patties it can't be bad. Plus, there are only 120 calories per patty. THAT'S IT.

I eat them bunless with tomatoes and mustard. Sometimes I wrap them in a lettuce leaf too.

Was this food made by assholes?

I had an epiphany recently that my approach to shedding my fleshy ass has always been about, you know, minimum effort required. Or about stupid food ideas like Atkins. Atkins works, there is no doubt. It works for a while. But it's hard to maintain and it's hard to reconcile bacon and vodka for dinner when you decide at the tender age of 33 that your liver is something you might want to take better care of.

So I was emailing JJ about deciding to just try to eat "clean food" instead. You can't really get fat on salad provided you don't pour a bunch of General Mills shit on top of it, right? Seems like it isn't really that hard. So my new criteria for putting food in my mouth is to ask:

"Was this food made by assholes?"

I think this should do it. By nature it will exclude anything over-processed and engineered with the deadly trio of sugar/fat/salt. It will also make eating meat from not-nice growers easy to exclude.

We'll see how this goes.

You're out.

Tara is my new bf.


We're going to scoot around in our pink bikinis trying to out-skin each other.

While you're in Italy?

I'm floating my fat ass up to Alaska.

Everyone eats their way through a cruise, right?  Free buffet!  Free desserts!  Nothing to do but lie on a chair and booze it!

NOT ME.

Seeins how I've lost 44 pounds, I am NOT gaining an ounce next week.  I'm not eating one stupid thing on this cruise.  And truthfully, why would I?  I really doubt Holland America is bringing out the super high dollar grade A food for their mass consumption guests.  Why would I want to binge on shit?  And the idea of everyone gorging themselves on food for 7 days straight kinda makes me gag anyway.  I'm going to take the high ground and eat my veggies and my grains and come back THINNER.   Take that, Megan Fox.  I bet you can't get thinner!  

love,

J-to-the-J

I HAVE RIBS!

<---  This is LIV TYLER.  What?  HOW?  I don't know.

btw, bitch, why don't you throw up a post or two?

And you owe me a double date with that hot personal trainer we discussed.

And weren't you going to report back to me on how great your detox is going?

Get ON it.

Is this what 48 years old looks like?

I thought it would be younger for some reason.

She is 117 pounds now.  She lost 140 pounds!  

I did the research (via goog) and discovered that 5'4 and 117 pounds means you get to eat between 1800 and 1900 calories a day.

um, bullshit.  I am maintaining a 1200 to 1300 calorie a day vegan food plan and I AM IN NO DANGER OF BEING 117 POUNDS.

I am thinking about going back to bikram again.  And having my jaw wired shut.  Why doesn't anyone do that anymore?  I would like to offer up some potential candidates to bring back the jaw-wired-shut trend.

urp.

Dude, I am so full I might pop.  

That photo above is baked cauliflower.  

Tonight I ate:

2 Dr. Prager TexMex bean burgers with lettuce and tomatoes

cauliflower baked up in the oven

baked sweet potato cubes  

So.  Full.

Might.  Die.

Low.  Calorie.

The Evolution...

Oh Keely Shaye Smith Brosnan, I feel your pain, girlfriend.    

I might look like this, too.

I refuse to look at myself below the neck.

Is this really 145 pounds of Kirstie Alley?

I expect to look a t lot different at 145.  

Probably more like this, the best I'm going to get...

(Some Cassidy chick in England? Never heard of of her.)

And then I'll get this skinny.  After I'm dead and buried in the ground for 6 months.

And then...

Enjoy!

Reasons to Stay Fat

1.  It's way easier to shave my big round knees.

2.  My wrinkles are nonexistent.  I am plump and YOUNG, bitches.

3.  Stretchy clothes are comfortable.

4.  It feels good to be lazy and park it on the sofa to watch The Biggest Loser.

5.  I don't need a lap - I don't have kids or anything and my dogs are small.

6.  god made Spanx.

Reasons to NOT be Fat

1.  I'd much rather have sex when I'm skinny and no one will be crushed underneath me.

2.  People actually get to SEE my shaved knees, even with scabs, because I will wear hot little skirts.

3.  My $500 over-the-knee boots will fit again.

4.  I like having a JAWLINE.

5.  People confuse me with Angelina Jolie.

6.  Eleventy billion other reasons!!   I am ready to be SKINNY AGAIN.  OHMYGOD.  TAKE AWAY THE FAT ALREADY!   I HATE THIS WAITING GAME!!!